that literally have me sitting here wondering if anything is right in my life anymore. I’m just full of depression and disappointment right now. Anyway, the doom and gloom isn’t really the point of this post.
I really hope I’m not the only one, but does anyone else have someone they look up to/admire that they just really wish they were like BFFs with and could just call up and be like “Yo, my lyfe sux help me out bro” and just vent to? No, just me? Awkward. No but really, I’ve become reacquainted with @deefizzy’s videos and social networks again since meeting him at SBSW. And from his recent twitter and tumblr posts, I feel like he’s one of the only people that would legit understand me 100%, and I just feel like that’s something I need right now. Someone that actually understands instead of someone just trying to soothe me..
But anywho, change of tone. He’s awesome. And if any of you haven’t heard of him yet, go
stalk check out his YouTube/Twitter/Tumblr!
I don’t get it. Like, tumblr KNOWS we all adore this site. Why go fixing something that isn’t broken? I get that after every update, everyone hates it but we eventually get used to it. But still. We liked it the way it was before. Why go changing the little things that really don’t make it any better than it was before?
So honestly, 2012 has really sucked for me. It was just full of stress, confusion, heartache, etc., and it was just really difficult. And I’m not taking a “new year, new me” approach to 2013. I’m well aware that no matter what the new year does to wipe away the problems I faced in 2012, it’s just bound to bring about new ones. But I am hoping this year’s better. New problems to face, new choices to make, new opportunities to help me figure myself and a lot of other things out. I just hope I’m ready for whatever 2013 throws at me.
But on another note, happy new year everyone!
Take care, be safe, and make good choices :D
I’ve never been good at moving on or letting go. I hate the idea of letting someone just walk out of my life. Even if I know they don’t care, or I should let go cos it’d be better. Just no. If this person had any affect in my life, I can’t just let them go and have them become a complete stranger to me again.
But I feel like I’m the only one that thinks this. It’s like everyone knows how to move on but me. So I’m always kinda just… stuck here, watching everyone go on with their lives while I have no idea which step to take in mine.
Post-show depression is fricking hard, man. I woke up a little while ago just like every other morning, thinking “blehh, I’m tired, I have work later, blah blah.” Then I remembered last night and how REAL it was and how much I wanna go back NOWW. I miss Jordan </3
And I just remembered, I totally high-fived Chris from All-American Rejects after the show like it was no big deal. Literally walking to my car I saw him and was just like “Hey, Chris! -High five- Good show tonight!” and kept walking. Like WTF how do I get all nervous and shakey and almost can’t speak in front of Jordan, yet for the drummer of AAR, the band I’ve been waiting to see since I was ELEVEN, I just calmly get a high five and keep walking?! I don’t even know..
ANYWAY, about to spam people’s dash with pictures from last night. Just a warning. Plus, I forgot my camera at home last night and had to use my phone. Remembered like five minutes after I left my house, I was SO pissed cos I like trying to get clear, good pictures. But yeah..
I honestly just don’t even know where to start about tonight. Absolutely nothing I can think up will give it any justice, but here goes..
(and it’s not under a read more because I’m just TOO FRICKING HAPPY TO HIDE THIS, OKAY?)
I’m just gonna talk about Boys Like Girls first because the other two.. just. Yeah. They were pretty legit. When the eff did Martin become so beautiful and why hadn’t I noticed before? And that guy can SING live. It was amazing. He called a random girl on stage to sing Taylor Swift’s part of “Two Is Better Than One.” So sweet. They put on a pretty damn good show.
Now All-American Rejects. After 8 solid years of waiting to see them, I finally did. I fell in love with this band when I was 11, and I was immediately obsessed. They were the first band I ever listened to on my own time, the first band who I went to buy all their CDs for, knew all the members’ names, knew every lyric to their music. Seeing them tonight, I felt like my 11-year-old self again. I almost teared up at one point, I’m really shocked I didn’t cry. But OMG they were so good.. Tyson is so insane, I really wish I knew what he was on haha but they put on suuuch a good show!
And The Ready Set. Just fuuuuuuh. I don’t know when I fell so in love with him, but sooomewhere along the way, I did. Like he is, hands down, my favorite band. His performance was spectacular as always. Some girl in front of me turned around and gave me a pick she got from them before the show and said “Here, I see you singing every word and you’re wearing their shirt so I figured I’d give this to you.” Made me feel super awesome, and this chick is super cool in my book. Then after the show I got to meet Jordan (again) and I was so unbelievable nervous and shakey, I even TOLD him. But being the sweetheart he is he was just like don’t be nervous! And I gave him this painting I made in my art class two years ago and he looked surprised and was just like “This is for me?!” and asked a few questions about it, seeming all interested and whatnot and said I better have gotten an A xD He’s just so sweet and adorable and just akjsdnvlasgdht gahhh. I’m not gonna lie though, I’m really sad I don’t have the painting anymore. Like literally AS I was walking up to him I was still debating on whether I should give it to him or just get him to sign it. But I knew I wanted to give him something and I just really hope he appreciates it and takes care of it.. Oh well. He has it now and I have a picture of us with it (:
Tonight.. My life is just officially complete and void of all meaning now. And might I add, my throat is killing me. And post-show depression hit me QUICKLY and HARD. Like I was already feeling it as soon as I walked away from Jordan and out the doors. It legit body-slammed me.. but yeah. Guess I’ll just have to see him again xD
It’s a sad night when you realize you lost your right to claim someone as a friend.
It’s taking every nerve in my system, every muscle in my body, every fiber of my being not to have an emotional breakdown right now.
I’ve always thought the word “heartbreak” was stupid. But now I understand it literally feels like your heart physically hurts, and it’s such a painful feeling.
I’ve dealt with heartbreak before in the most brutal way possible, and I survived. But it’s so much worse when the person returns those feelings, and then suddenly doesn’t. Because then you can’t help but blame yourself and start thinking through everything you might’ve done wrong and everything you could’ve done differently.
“You like someone who can’t like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way once-requited love cannot.”
I just can’t stop THINKING. Fuck. I wish I could just turn off my fricking mind.
If tonight goes badly, I’m definitely putting my two weeks in. And I know there’s been 2384 times that I’ve said I’m putting my two weeks in before, but every single time I say that, my shift runs smoothly… So hopefully that happens again. If not, I mean it when I say I’m actually quitting.
I refuse to give up, I don’t want to. I want to try to make things work here. Especially since I know if I just give up and let it go, it’ll eat me up inside. I’ll just always sit there wondering “what could’ve happened if…” At least that’s how it went down the first time. That’s just how I am. If I know I can do better, try harder, it’ll eat at me if I don’t. I got a second chance and fuck if I’m going to waste it. So many people wish they could get second chances at things, people, and they never do, but I was lucky.
But I can’t be the only one putting in any amount of effort here. This is supposed to be 50/50, and I’m really kinda feelin’ 90/10? As much as I refuse to give up, you’re making it a bit easy to want to.